Here we are, Week 9, and believe it or not, some owners are ready to clinch a playoff spot with a win in Week 9. This one clown in a Keeper League I’m in is 8-0 and 5 games up in his division. He wins this week, he could lose out the rest of the way and get in. Lucky bastard, he’s only 5th in points scored too – some guys have all the luck. Anyway, here’s some advice on how to beat that guy, read on my faithful followers.

Drop me your Fantasy Questions @ papaweimer50@hotmail.com

Mr. Weimer, I need to start 2 guys form this group of 3; (Frank Gore vs. Falcons, Maurice Jones Drew vs. Saints, and Willie Parker vs. Ravens), which two would you make a run at? To add a little, we get bonuses for big plays, and touchdowns are worth a lot. I need this win, man, help me out!- T.J. Tips in the Northwest Sector

TJ- I’d have to say that’s a tough call. I’d say Frank Gore should be your number one, but there are questions surrounding his ankle, the teams’ will to win, and he’s pretty much struggled since the 2nd game of the season. Then I’d say Jones-Drew has the best chance to blow up the scene with some big runs, because the Jaguars will be running the ball all day long, and the Saints hate tackling, but New Orleans has given up only one 100-yard-rusher all season long. And last, Willie Parker would obviously be your safest bet and best player all season long, but he’s going up against Baltimore on Monday Night Football. The Ravens haven’t allowed a 100 yard rusher yet this season. It looks like your 3 very good backs all have question marks surrounding them this week. However, that doesn’t always mean bad things, and thus I have an answer. I’d roll with Willie Parker and Frank Gore. I think the Falcons will be much worse on 1st and 2nd down without Grady Jackson in there, I honestly watched him a couple times this season, and concluded that he was a run stuffing force. I don’t know how in the hell those idiots in Atlanta cut that big son of a gun. I think Frank will start running with a meaning, and carrying that young team on his back. Next I think I’d give Parker the nod over Drew, because the Saints haven’t’ been that bad against the run, and Drew has some injury concerns, plus he’s a #2 (I don’t know how the Jags keep giving Taylor more touches than MJD, but what do I know?). Parker may be going up against one of the toughest defensive dynasties over the last 8 years, but he is a very good player with a very good offensive line, and I expect the Steelers to run the ball a plenty. Good luck, and get that W!

My Mom is beating me in my yearly league, and this is the first season she’s ever played. She’s 55 and just took up watching football last season after a lifetime of yelling at my dad for being a useless crotch during the weekend. Well, she’s back in full force now. My dad is probably laughing his ass off from the clouds. Anyway, has anything as embarrassing as your mom kicking your butt at fantasy football ever happened to you? Oh this is fantasy advice, ah, who should I start, Tom Brady or Peyton Manning? – Joshua Dooley in Nevada

First of all, you must be that jerk who picked Peyton and Tom in the first 3 rounds, bogarting them from the rest of your draft mates, thinking you were too cool for school, and how you would benefit by default because you’d have the best quarterbacks. And now you’re 55 year old mom who hates football is beating you in your fantasy football league – that’ll teach you to draft quarterbacks high, especially two of them. Just to think, some guy (or your mom) with Derek Anderson at the QB spot is beating you. As for your “fantasy” questions, I’d go with Brady, because the Colts have a better rushing attack. As for you’re mom and embarrassment, that’s a tough one. But sure, I’m damn near 53 years old, of course I’ve been embarrassed at least that bad, probably yesterday. My wife still beats me at Tennis, but she played doubles professionally for a little while, so I guess I have that to reason with. My nephew employs me to answer a fantasy question section on his own damn site, that’s pretty embarrassing considering I taught the twerp all he knows about the game, I nearly pooped my pants yelling at the TV during the Packer game, hell, I don’t know which one incident to pick out. I’ll tell you this, I feel a whole hell of a lot better knowing my mom never beat me at fantasy football. Thanks, man, and to think, you wanted me to cheer you up.

I hate fantasy football, but I play every season just to see if I like it. Seems sick, I mean, I’m 0-5. I hate rooting for some guy that I hate to score two touchdowns in the last 15 minutes just so I can beat my jerk off neighbor Jim in the league he puts together just to prove to everyone that I suck at fantasy football. Also, I hate losing. Well, this season I’m winning, and Jim is 4-4. Ha. Anyway, that douche is trying to trade me Tory Holt and Frank Gore for Santonio Holmes and Edgerrin James – do you do that deal hoping Gore steps it up? I don’t even start Holmes at receiver, and I like Holt’s upside this season. Plus Gore and Edge are a wash in my opinion numbers be damned. And I’m starting Adrian Peterson and Brian Westbrook at RB anyway. This is a good upside trade, no? – What’s your take Papa? – Joe Q in Nebraska (Boo Cornhuskers!)

Joe, go ahead and do the trade. It sounds like you have the money to invest at receiver, and if the Rams turn things around even a little bit, Tory will once again become a Top 10 target, Holmes may have big games here and there, but he’s still a ways off from being a consistent point scorer at receiver, and that’s really what you want at that position – plus, Holt is always open (seriously, I don’t think there’s guys that are more open than he is, he must be a real trickster). Also I do think Gore will be better soon. He’s so talented and runs with a passion, I love his style. Plus he plays more than a few more games against weak NFC defenses, like this week in the ATL. Go with your heart, Young Joe, and feed that fantasy SOB his final meal! Also, it’s nice that you play fantasy even though you hate it, you must be a die-hard competitive type that hates backing down from competition even more than playing and losing. Believe it or not, that’s an admirable trait in my opinion.

If you had to start the Colts defense against the Patriots or the Patriots defense against the Colts, who would get the nod? – Chucky Dusett near South Park

Buddy, drive up the road and kick Cartman’s fat ass in the junk for me. Honestly, I’d rather start neither defense, but I think I’d go with the Patriots. I think the Colts are great, but there’s not a better team in the NFL than the Patriots, that I’m pretty sure of. What I’m completely sure of is the fact that there’s no offense better than the Patriots, anywhere. Not in Tecmo Super Bowl, not in Madden, not in college, and definitely not in the NFL. Tom Brady could have a bad game, and the Patriots could lose, but I wouldn’t bet my money on it, and if I had to take a defense, I’d take the team not going up against Tom Brady and the Patriots.

Last Weeks Questions

Papa Weimer – **52 y/o – two open Heart surgeries and a nasty attitude**