Ugh! In a sequence of events that almost seemed destined to happen, I plowed through Week 15’s games to the beat of 7-9. What does that do to my overall record? It puts me even with the football gods. After 15 fun-filled weeks I’ve staggered un knowingly into the great bottomless void of .500. I expect to climb out of this place, but first, let me tell you how I got stuck here after all.
Denver (-9.5) at Buffalo – “The Bills are a terrible sack of rotting cow-manure. Mike Anderson and Tatum Bell should form an admirable duo in this one. Jake won’t make mistakes and the Broncos will play much better than they did last week.” (Me) The bills are better when Kelly Holcomb runs the team, but not good enough. Jake Plummer played mistake free football, while Mike Anderson and Tatum Bell combined for 146 yards and two touchdowns. Who knew?
Carolina (-8.5) at New Orleans – “The Saints’ season was over months ago, just like the outcome of this game. I would be surprised if the Saints get within 20 points of the Panthers. Carolina has too much on the line, and they’ve been looking forward to this rematch since their opening day loss to New Orleans.” (Me) So I’m a little surprised, the Saints only lost by 17. Either way, the Panthers are just that much better than the Saints. Steve Smith is a legitimate MVP candidate. He showed his skills by rushing for 20 yards and a TD and receiving for 85 and another score. He’s the best player on the field when the Panthers play. Deshaun Foster will have to pick up the slack if the Panthers expect to move deep into the playoffs, he only had 75 yards on 21 carries.
Cincinnati (-8) at Detroit – “The Bengals will bounce back from their most pathetic offensive performance of the season last week against the Browns. Watch Carson Palmer come back in fine fashion, making a late season push for the MVP award.” (Me) This was an easy choice. The Lions suck Chef’s chocolate salty balls and the Bengals are one of the leagues top 5 teams. Carson threw for three scores and Rudi rushed for two more. The Cincinnati defense intercepted Detroit’s savior, Jeff Garcia, three times. The Bengals are a damn good football team.
Cleveland (+3) at Oakland – A late face mask penalty by the Raiders’ defensive end Derrick Burgess allowed Phil Dawson to kick a game winning field goal as time expired. And the didn’t even have to spend a first round pick on him. The Raiders round one kicker was 0-2 on the day. Nice. The Raiders ruined a great performance by Lamont Jordan (172 total yards). But that’s what the Raiders do.
Pittsburgh (-3.5) at Minnesota – “The Vikings will find their streak ended by the Steelers, just as the Bears did. Both teams need this victory to stay in the playoff hunt, but the Steel show will out play the Vikings on Sunday. Their will be no room to run, and Brad Johnson won’t find the same success through the air. The Steelers don’t commit turnovers, so it will be hard for the Vikings to capitalize.” (Me) The Steelers committed only one turnover compared to three Viking mishaps. Brad Johnson barely completed half his passes for 143 measly yards and two interceptions. Michael Bennett led the Vikings with 43 yards on the ground. The Steelers made me look good, but Hines Ward killed my fantasy team with 11 whole yards.
San Diego (+8.5) at Indianapolis – “Unfortunately for the Colts, a pissed off Charger team will tromp into Indianapolis with their playoff lives at stake, and come out with a huge upset. A couple big plays on defense will surprise Peyton and the Colts.” (Me) The Chargers win, I called it. San Diego played like they had more to lose, and it paid off. There were huge plays by the Charger defense all day long. Manning was knocked around more in this game than his entire career and Edgerrin James couldn’t find room to run. The Chargers have some work to do, but they’ve got a chance.
Atlanta at Chicago (-3) – “The Bears lost last week, and all of a sudden their bandwagon lost a ton of weight. Well, now it has enough room for my big ass. The Bears will shut down Mike Vick and pound Thomas Jones into an Atlanta defensive front that couldn’t stop a gang of Care-Bears. The Falcons don’t match up well against the Bears, and that doesn’t bode well for Falcon playoff aspirations.” (Me) I was right about the outcome, but wrong about Kyle Orton doing just enough for the Bears. He did nothing. ANd so Lovie “The Genius” Smith put Rex Grossman in. Rex performed a little CPR on his squad of grizzlies as the Bears smashed the Falcons in their tracks.
Tampa Bay (+3) at New England – “Everyone seems to have hopped back on the Patriot bandwagon, but it’s going to take a lot more than a win over buffalo to get me on the rusty old thing.” (Me) Did a wagon just pass by here? What’s that you say? I can catch it in five minutes at the corner of 5th and Chestnut? I’m there! Tampa Bay’s the better team… HA! What was I thinking?
Kansas City (+3) at N.Y. Giants – Tiki Barbar was even more phenomenal than Larry Johnson’s 167 rushing yards and 2 touchdowns. Tiki ran for 220 and caught for 29. Ridiculous. Eli Manning continued his diarrhea fest, but the Chiefs didn’t have an answer for Tiki. The Giants defense stopped the Chiefs when they had to, all but ending any Kansas City playoff hopes.
Arizona (-1) at Houston – What in the hell were the Texans doing? Do they hold a tiebreaker or something? Do they know something we don’t? Maybe they know it’s better for their team not to take Reggie Bush. Even then, trading the pick would be the best option. Houston better come up with something these last 2 weeks. A Reggie bowl in Week 17 between the Texans and the Niners should be a feast of horror. Would you try to win that game? This game shows me how bad it’s gotten in Arizona. They can’t even beat teams that want to lose. The Cardinals were actually winning the game when Kurt Warner was lost for the season. It’s tough to predict injuries.
N.Y. Jets at Miami (-9) – I knew this game was going to be a tough one. Nine point favorites for the Dolphins is scary. Still, the Fins rolled off two straight scores to start the game, giving me a big fat smile. My smile quickly turned upside down when the Jets fought back with 17 of their own. Two more for the Fins put me up 7 and all I needed was a field goal with 10 minutes to go. I got one all right. Mike Nugent kicked it. And my dreams were smashed like Jacko’s nose.
Philadelphia at St. Louis (-3) – This was a tough game… to watch. Both teams just can’t field a varsity squad. Steven Jackson got hurt, helping my fantasy championship dreams demolish. THe same thing happened to the Rams’ chance to win. The Eagles won by a point even with 3 interceptions by Mike McMahon. Ryan Moats had another big game for the Eagles.
Seattle (-7.5) at Tennessee – After starting the game with 2 quick touchdowns, the Seahawks lined up for a field goal to put the Titans away early. Tennessee blocked the kick. Momentum switched sides in a flash. The Titans scored 24 straight points to put the Titans up by 10 late in the 3rd quarter. Momentum grabbed hold of the Hawks as Joe Jurevicius grabbed a Hasselbeck touchdown pass. Darrell Jackson made his return felt as he lunged for the final score of the game, putting the Hawks up by 4. That wasn’t enough for me though. Seattle didn’t get close again, and field goal wouldn’t have done it for me anyway.
San Francisco at Jacksonville (-16) – Jacksonville made this one much closer than it needed to be. This was probably the most disgusting game of the day. Neither team did anything to win the game, so the Jaguars just took it by default. A late field goal by Josh Scobee won it for the Jags. I missed the spread by 15 points. Not too shabby.
Dallas (+2.5) at Washington – I’ve never been happier to be wrong. The Cowboys were absolutely pathetic. (A late touchdown catch by Jason Whitten lost my fantasy playoff game for me – But at least I’ll have some buddies in Dallas watching the playoffs with me) Mark Brunell threw 4 touchdown passes, 3 to Chris Cooley, and Clinton Portis rushed for 112 yards. Drew Bledsoe looked like his feet were cuffed together as he was sacked 9 times by a dominant Redskin defense. Julius Jones rushed for 80 yards on 12 carries, but the Redskins took the Cowboys’ rushing attack away early. Dallas at 8-6 is nice!
Green Bay (+3.5) at Baltimore – Gado was hurt in the first quarter and with him went any chances the Packers had. Brett Favre just doesn’t have it right now, and he may never have it again. Brett threw one ball in the middle of three Raven defenders. There wasn’t a Packer player to be seen in the bunch. Brett threw 2 picks and no touchdowns. This is Brett’s worst 3 game streak in his career. The Packers lost by 45, making this game the largest point differential in Monday Night history. On the bright side, Kyle Boller tricked the Ravens into believing he could be a good quarterback as he had the best game of his life. Jamal Lewis turned back the clock, rushing for a buck-o-five with one score. The Packers fought their way back into the Reggie Bush Sweepstakes!
Good Luck with your NFL Football Betting!
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