Ten for Wednesday: Week 13 Fantasy Football Rankings

It’s not as catchy, but hey, it’s wednesday and I’m a day late – better late than never. Unless you’re a college kid and you’re waiting on your girlfriend’s… well, you get the picture. On to Fantasy fortunes everywhere!

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Vince Young went and did the Arizona Cardinals something dirty. Not unlike his USC trashing for the National Championship, VY led his team down the field for a late game-winning score, this time as the clock expired, and this time he did it in the comfort of his very own pocket. Sure, the Cardinals had to respect his legs, and that could have been why Vince found so many open receivers in the final minutes, but the bottom line is, he did what most people claimed he couldn’t, and anytime that happens I like to mention it. Do work Vince!….   At some point during the week, Brian Urlacher stated his opinion that Jay Cutler to Chicago was a bad idea. It might not have been stated exactly like that, and the big-bad linebacker went as far as saying that he like’s Jay and thinks Jay is a very good player, and I’m sure Jay felt all warm and fuzzy about it after that, but Brian basically said that the Bears can win with Orton and can’t with Jay. Awesome. I didn’t even have to say it. Everyone wanted Josh McDaniels to resign before he coached a game for dumping Jay for Orton and draft picks – and even more people said the Broncos were morons for giving the Seahawks their 1st round pick next year instead of Chicago’s – but look at it all now – Jay Cutler’s throwing interceptions like he’s some sort of rifle-armed rookie, and without many flashy numbers, the Broncos are winning football games. How’s that sand now Jay? Causing a rash yet?….     And even better, somebody claimed that Jay might have some words with Urlacher about it. Please, somebody bring to my attention what exactly that dopey-faced ball thrower is going to say to Urlacher-quarterback-killer? “Hey Brian, I didn’t really like what you said about me and how Orton is a winner while I’m just a bitch- but it’s no big deal, I forgive you.” Something tells me that’s about as violent as those “words” are going to get…..

Cincinnati threw for 110 yards while boasting a passing game that includes Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson – is there anything that you think seperates them more from the elite teams than them being afraid to score points? The Bengals want to slow down the game so much that they just absolutely refuse to take chances to put points up quick in games where running the ball and slowly eating away the clock is an option. This is why they play close games against everyone, and I think this is what will come back to haunt them when they meet up with a team that can score points on any defense. It is also what will continue to make me happy about staying away from Palmer and Ocho in my fantasy drafts. They’ve had solid games, but 110 yards passing against the Brownies, come on guys….. Speaking of stinker performances in situations where they should flourish, how about Thomas Jones going for just 75 yards while DeAngelo Williams went for just 40 when the Panthers payed the Jets? The Panthers were up to it again, as Jake threw more times than DeAngelo and Jonathan ran the ball, and it was just a 13-3 game, it’s not like the Jets were killing it out there. I’ll never understand how John Fox keeps a job when numbers like this exist. Thomas Jones needed 25 carries to get to 75, and Shonn Greene needed 10 to get to 36. But at least the Jets get it. They threw 18 times on Sunday, they ran the ball 39 times…..   Speaking of John Fox losing his job, look what Jake Delhomme did on Sunday: the guy went absolutely suicidal in football terms, completing 14 of 34 passes for just 130 yards, 4 interceptions, and not a single touchdown to speak of. What’s really amazing about this whole deal is that the Jets don’t have the greatest rush defense, but they have one heck of a secondary. I know, lets have the human interception throw 20 mile and hour nuckle balls 35 yards down field – and we’ll see what happens. Dumb…..

Have you ever had somebody poke at you and tell you that you were wrong before you actually ended up being wrong, and then you became right, and now you want to take the bowl of guac and jump up in the air and spike it between your legs right on your buddy’s face? Enter Thanksgiving Day when my uncle was kind enough to tell me how crazy I am for taking the Colts in Houston and how the Texans were going to end that stupid undefeated talk in a hurry. Sure enough, come Sunday, the Colts jump out to a 17-point deficit, Peyton’s throwing interceptions like Drew Bledsoe used to get sacked, and here’s my uncle, giving me a call and and reiterating how much of a man in a clown suit I am, I can basically hear his stupid tap-dance shoes clickity-clacking on the end of his phone, and he’s gloating like JaMarcus Russell after a 12-29, 100 yard, 0-TD, 2-INT day – I’m smart, you’re dumb, hahahahahaha: and before I hang up, I say, “First of all, you’re an idiot. Second of all, you’re fat. And 3rd, I’d still take the Colts by a field goal.” Now I didn’t call him and say anything when the game was over – I didn’t have to….

LaDainian Tomlinson ran for 39 yards against the Chiefs. Yeah, I think it’s safe to say, the guys that said LT was done as a fantasy starter – they were right – the guys that picked him late in the first round and said, “I got the best running back in football at the end of Round 1”, or “the beginning of Round 2” , those guys, well, those guys were wrong……    This is why every single fantasy league should come with a “record draft shit talk” option that keeps a sort of easy flash back button to the idiots that went crazy over how great all their picks were, how dumb all yours were, and now how they’re 2-10 through 12 Weeks. Could you imagine how great that would be? Forget podcasts, I would be on that thing quoting fools every single week. What was that you said about LenDale White stealing all Chris Johnson’s carries and touchdowns?….. Tom Brady wasn’t accurate on Monday Night, and that’s why the Patriots got beat up. They had their chances, Brady just missed his spots. Sure, the Saints put pressure on the Pats, and the secondary made some plays, but there were guys open and Tom just wasn’t on his game. And they need to stop trying to get 5.5 yards on 3rd and 5 – a little room for error might help them out a bit….

Larry Johnson still has it. Everyone thought he was done. Everyone thought he would disappear and never do anything ever again. I don’t know much, but I know what LJ used to be, and I know there hasn’t been all that much wear on his tires over the past few years, and he looks like a guy running to prove something. Oh yeah, and he’s always been talented.

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