Tag Archives: Steve Smith

Ask Papa Weimer: Week 3

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Questions and Answers – let the evil genius do his dirty work!!!

Billiam from Southy writes, “Do you really think the Patriots have a chance to win the Super Bowl without Tom in attendance? I just can’t see the Colts doing much without Peyton, the Cowboys doing anything without Romo, and even the Steelers doing work against Pittsburgh – how can the Pats still have a chance?”

Well Billiam (Bill and Williams meshing in one is pure brilliance), I have a feeling Pats do indeed have a chance, and there is one reason why – Bill Belichick. The real Evil Genius has his work cut out for him, no doubt about that, but he can still game plan for anything, this is just considered an extreme challenge. I couldn’t think about a tougher way to win a Super Bowl, or a more awkward pre-season to lose your league MVP – but yes, I still like the Pats chances just about as much as anyone else in the AFC. It’s funny, there were a few seconds there where Cassel looked like he was getting cut, Gutierrez was easily outplaying him, and Matt was really struggling. When you add that to the fact that Cassel looked terrible in his only action last year, it seemed his time in New England was just about over. Then Matt Gutie was cut, Tom was hurt, and here Matt is, the team’s success unpredictably in his hands. I love it. Not as many points- not as many chances on the field -but I still like the Pats to win 11 or 12 and be a tough out in the playoffs.

Douglas from the O asks, “Do you think Jonathan Stewart has officially become the #1 guy in Carolina? I may be a little biased, having taken some classes with Jon last season, but he looks like the better runner and it seems like Carolina is going to him with the game on the line. Can I start him this week?”

You may be biased, but you hit this one right in the O. Except I wouldn’t start him this week, not against Minnesota. I also wouldn’t say he is the “official #1” – in fact, he’s the “official #2” – but very similar to Maurice Jones Drew the last couple years in Jacksonville, the #2 is a better option that the #1 and it seems like hardheadedness and veteran favortism are the only reasons the “backups” aren’t getting more looks. I can see why both Fred Taylor and DeAngelo are starting, don’t get me wrong, but I also see a lot of value and some dynamic ability from these back-ups. Hold on to your former classmate, I think his time will come, and he’ll be one hell of a start.

Rollie from Anchorage says, “How do you like you some Steve Smith this weekend? Would you start him over Eddie Royal and Dwayne Bowe?”

Rollie, you bet. I love me some Steve Smith, and while Eddie Royal looks like a great option, and Bowe doesn’t look like a bad ride either, Steve is probably pretty amped to help his team considering they went 2-0 without him, and he’s the best player in this bunch. As much as anyone, (besides maybe my nephew), I like Eddie Royal – but Steve Smith is what Royal can only hope to become. He’s a less polished version of Smith right now, and while he does play against New Orleans, it’s not like Minnesota’s secondary is solid either. Bowe goes up against the Falcons, a secondary that is also poor, but he has Tyler Thigpen throwing him the ball – could be decent for Dwayne, but he doesn’t have Jake Delhomme or Jay Cutler throwing him the ball, right? Go with Steve Rollie!

Dos and Don’ts: Draft Day Trickery!

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I’m not quite as wordy as my nephew, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have knowledge. Sure, he can get all wordily-smurdily, but I have 30 single sentences that will help you during your drafts, during the season, and during sex – believe it! Here they are, the never-dos; the dropped soap, the pissing peak, the naked wander down 5th avenue at noon – but all in fantasy terms, well mostly all. Confused yet? Here you go…

  1. Never ever pick a quarterback in the 1st round.
  2. Don’t draft a fantasy team on the fly, cheat sheets and player listings are there for a reason; mostly so you don’t draft guys that have been already drafted.
  3. Run with scissors on draft day, it makes other people afraid of you because you are dangerous.
  4. Take a 3rd running back before some teams have two, it makes them go crazy.
  5. Don’t ever talk on a cell phone during a draft, and feel free to punch any blue tooth drafter right in the throat.
  6. Barry Sanders and Ahman Green have similar chances to succeed in 2008, so for fun, do draft the former right after the latter is selected.
  7. When people make terrible picks, do mock them by saying you were just about to pick that guy (especially in the Ahman Green then Barry Sanders case).
  8. Don’t draft a guy in round 2 and then try to trade him immediately for a guy your buddy picked in Round 3 – it’s just bad form.
  9. If you want Frank Gore because you think he’s going to go nuts this year, do pick him early rather than miss him and watch him do exactly what you thought he’d do.
  10. Don’t talk about Thomas Jones’ biceps at the Sex Store with your girl, she’ll make you wish you haden’t.
  11. Do dabble in the late receiver run.
  12. Don’t you dare waste two picks in the first 5 rounds on quarterabacks.
  13. Don’t get Steve Smiths, Adrian Petersons, or Roy Williams’s confused.
  14. If you’re going to pick like an idiot then make sure you do shower before and after, that way you won’t feel like a bunch of your best friends did you dirty.
  15. Do doo-doo before you draft – nobody likes to wait on a guy in the shitter and it gives you extra time to study up.
  16. Don’t doo-doo while drafting, because then you’ll have to take a shower during the draft and you’ll have to borrow a buddies sweat pants, plus relieving yourself in your pants isn’t cool despite what Happy Gilmore says.
  17. Don’t pick anybody that broke a record last season – the value just isn’t there.
  18. Don’t ever tell me Don’t or I’ll rub your neck beard and karate chop you.
  19. Do physically write down you jack-off friends remarks during the draft – you can either use it against them later or listen to them next year, either way.
  20. Don’t wish you would have – it’s really pretty much the most useless act of all antasy drafts everywhere.
  21. Don’t bring a good buddy that doesn’t know much about football to a longtime league – for his and your sake.
  22. Don’t draft every skill player from your home team, because it doesn’t even work in New England.
  23. Do look at the position you pick out of a hat, but don’t let the others know you looked – that way if you don’t like it you can ask them to blindly trade you picks and sometimes the dumb ones will.
  24. Don’t pick backups for every position unless transactions aren’t free.
  25. Don’t pick a complete starting lineup before you pick back-ups for any single position – nobody that does that ever wins anything.
  26. Don’t pronounce names wrong.
  27. Do feel free to use first names when talking about soon to be legends, Tom, Peyton, Randy, Terrell, LaDainian.
  28. Don’t ever call out “L. Tomlinson” because your cheat sheet doesn’t print first names, because everyone will secretly hate you for it.
  29. Don’t do 12 ESPN Mock Drafts and 3 Yahoo Mock Drafts only to proclaim, “This draft is nothing like the 15 mock drafts I did last night”, because not only do you sound like an idiot but you are an idiot.
  30. Don’t follow every single rule on this list, but 29 out of 30 ain’t bad!

Ask Papa Weimer #2 – 2008 Pre-Season

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This is the section where you ask me the questions. I may be old and I may be stingy, but you can bet your balls that my fantasy football advice will steer you in the right direction. With some new pills and a nice little workout regimen that includes a couple of hours a day with my new fiancé, I’m feeling better than ever before. HA! Let the games begin… You know the program, grip it and rip it, ask it and I’ll answer it – send your questions via email to papaweimer50@hotmail.com and this old fart will respond as soon as possible. Pre-Season games start this Sunday, so indeed, the season is beginning.

Red-Red Ryan from Walla Walla asks, “I just got a trade offer in a keeper league and I’m just not sure. I’d be giving away Adrian Peterson and picking up Joseph Addai and Sydney Rice. What do you think?”

There are some things in life you should “Just Say No” to – shell fish enchiladas, girls that match their eye shadow with their bra and their dodge neon, drugs (most anyway), and trades like this. Ask yourself this, how can a 2nd year #2 wide receiver, that hasn’t done anything yet, and plays in a high flying passing attack like that in Minnesota, sway a trade between two stars? Unless you think Addai and Peterson are dead even then you should just say no to this deal. I like Rice, but he’s no reason to axe Peterson. If you are trading AP then you better be getting good at another position. Right now, you’d be adding a running back of lesser value and a receiver that probably won’t start on your team (unless your receivers are Marshall, Steve Smith, and Keyshawn Johnson). I say hold onto AP and wait until someone goes gaga over him. Last year, I traded AP for Frank Gore, Reggie Bush, and Larry Fitz. That was a decent deal. Hold out for better!

Bad Boy from Jersey whispers, “I am having a hard time thinking about the first round of my draft – see, I have the 2nd pick and while I think LT and AP are both super talented guys, I have this eerie feeling that Marion Barber is going to take the fantasy MVP title this season. Can I really take Barber #2 – I see your nephew has Marion ranked 2nd in the RB listings – so at least I have him backing me, right?”

Sure you can. Will people laugh? You bet. Will people destroy you all year long if you pass on LT and AP. Shoot, they’ll hammer you like Jenna. But do it. This is the thing that kills me year after year, people always draft the guys that magazines and “experts” value the most. In the 1st round, value means jack. If I’m picking 4th and I think Clinton Portis is going to blow up in Jim Zorn’s new offense, I’m taking him despite the mockery, gawking, and chance at humiliation. You know why? Because I believe in myself. Now, if I could trade AP for the #5 pick and maybe a 3rd or 4th round pick, I’d go for that. That way, I could pick up Barber at #5 (likely) and pick up a great player with that extra pick (Colston, Brees, Boldin, Mike Turner, etc) and that will likely make my team better. Don’t just blow the spot you have, if you can, try to propose some trades. Maybe tell the #5 guy or #4 pick that if he takes Barber, you’ll trade him AP for MBIII and his 4th round pick. There are a lot of AP lovers out there – don’t sell yourself short, exhaust your resources and try to get paid!

Justin “BB” King from Pearly Harbor says, “Please explain to me why Steve Smith and Brandon Marshall are dropping down rounds from where they were picked before their suspensions? Two games, right? Two freaking games – hell, I’ll take those guys late ever single time. Studs. Am I missing something?”

You have it right on the dot. Steve Smith and Brandon Marshall are dropping for little reason. Having them both might lose you the first couple of weeks, but the next 10 weeks that matter should give you quite the advantage. If they drop more than a round in your draft, I’d do just what you think you’re going to do, pick them right up. Both should have huge years and both are probably Top 10 guys at that position. Plus, it’s not hard to find a couple receivers to start in the first couple weeks. Just do some research and find some good value with good match-ups against terrible defenses during the first couple weeks. Baltimore plays Cincinnati (bad defense) so Derrick Mason could be a good late round pick up. He’s almost assured a handful of catches and 80+ yards against the Bengals. The Bears play the Colts, so maybe Devin Hester? New England plays the Chiefs and then the Jets, so grabbing Jabbar Gaffney late could be decent sleeper starting option in the first few weeks. Do some research, put yourself in a good spot, and yeah, go for those two All-Pro receivers if they drop down the board. Good Luck!