“My buddy Josh had this great idea, take some of our best comments to each other from Sunday’s action, the group’s best and worst textual masterpieces, and put them together in one article for all to see. Sometimes our day-time observations can be priceless, other times hilarious, and every once in a while even useful.” That’s basically what you need to know. This week, Red Red Ryan joined the text-party and he had a few funny observations as well. Here’s some stuff to read…
1. Two kick return TDs against me last week by Eddie Royal and Denver’s brutal special teams unit. Two long-ass defensive TD returns by slow F***ing Steelers’ defensive players this week. Pretty much amazing. I hate fantasy football.
2. Sydney Rice is a beast. I wonder why it took an old man with a beard to get everyone to finally realize that.
3. If you listen carefully you can hear that very last drip of last season’s mixture of Tim Hightower cool-aid going down the drain. Beanie runs hard and fast.
4. Adrian Peterson just decleated Randall Gay, then stepped on him as he ran for 15 more yards, and that was on Gay’s attempted tackle attempt on Peterson’s grab. Is anybody better than him?
5. TO had more catches than drops. 3-2. First time in a long time.
1. Somebody needs to tell Tony Dungy that there are no ghosts in the NBC studio, no murderers either. Could he look more frightened? (Red Red Ryan’s answer: Seriously. It looks like he went #3 in his pants.)
2. If Austin Miles is not for real, he has been one hell of a Dan Brown novel the last two weeks. (Red Red Ryan’s response: I’d read that just to find out that Romo is really trying to MF him in the end.)
3. I’m pretty sure Reggie Bush just jumped from the 12 yard-line into the end-zone. Nuts. The movie IT has nothing on Reg in the open field.
4. This is the Eli Manning I was talking about prior to the season when I said, stay away! Ellie, if you will.
5. Carolina’s thinking down 7-2 after half: “We don’t have much time, the sun is setting on us, the alarm clock is about to go off, I don’t know if we can get back in the game, the hour glass, the sand, it’s falling… Lets throw, hurry, lets throw early and often, it’s our only chance!!! Unreal.
1. Cedric Benson > Jay Cutler in Cincinnati today. And it’s not close. I’m willing to bet Chicago didn’t see that coming.
2. I started Steve Breaston over Anquan Boldin because I didn’t want the Cardinals to F me like teams usually do when they say a player might play when they have a high ankle sprain. Now I F’d me. Great.
3. Mark Sanchez is eating a hot dog on the sidelines in the middle of a game… well kind of, the Jets are playing Oakland. How big of a crap would the media take if JaMarcus Russell was doing the same thing on his sideline? (Lucky’s response: One hot dog for JaMarcus is like one skittle for a normal guy, and I imagine the media’s bowel movement wouldn’t be nearly as big as your average Russell poo.)
4. I hope that stupid Fox Robot gets stuck out in the rain this week. If his stupid ace can get all rusty, maybe they won’t have him do stupid ish every time they’re trying to show some stupid statistic during football games. (Arse’s response: He’ll pull out a robo-umbrella.)
5. Wow, Jeremy Shockey absolutely beasted that corner. I wonder if he was saying, “Bit**, Pu**y, Wuss, I own you, you suck, want another stiff arm, how about a shot to your face mask, a slap to your head, i’ll kick you and step on your soul if you fall down…” He had about that much time.
Red Red Ryan
1. Go ahead and add Jake Delhomme to the FML club with Kerry Collins. And go on ahead and throw JaMarcus Russell in there too. (Lucky’s response: They are both already co-owners of that website. I’m pretty sure Jake designed it, JaMarcus tried to eat it, so Jake made him pay for half, now co-owners…)
2. I wish the Bears game was on TV so I could see Cutler’s face after all of his turnovers. It’s just not the same on ESPN play by play. (Papa’s response: I’m watching it right now and it’s that goofy half-drunk face he makes as if it’s everyone’s fault but his own.) (Red’s new response: I would feel better about hating Jay if I was at all sure that he didn’t have fetal alcohol syndrome as a baby.)
3. Receivers are dying in Dallas right now. Atlanta Falcons receivers got blown up on back to back plays. Matt is buying everyone’s dinner tonight. (Josh’s response: Miles Austin lives!)
4. Wow. Carolina is using all their time outs with 6 minutes left in the game. Either they’re drinking what Cutler is drinking or they are… nope, they are drinking Cutler’s magic moon shine.