Fantasy Football Know-It-All

WOW! Week 3 had more than a few tear jerkers, some being the same old contributors from Weeks 1 and 2 – well, I’m here to rip them a new one, and alleviate some of the pressure building up in that fantasy dungeon of a depression that’s accumulating on the message boards. Here is a group of donkeys that really pulled a Hee-Haw in Week 3.

Steve Smith: The mighty mouse of the NFL struggled to find anything in Week 3, as Atlanta made sure that the little stud wideout would have nothing to do with a win for the Panthers. However, everyone worrying about Smith did give plenty of opportunities to the Panthers’ rushing attack, allowing Deshaun Foster to go for 122 yards and a score – well, that didn’t help Smith fans out at all, but lets be honest, you’ll be starting him next week, no doubt in my mind.

Larry Johnson: LJ got 20+ carries, which would have made owners happy if he didn’t use those 24 carries to go for a historic 42 yards. Yes, that’s history for LJ, as he’s never had that many carries for that low of a YPC average. In fact, I’m willing to guarantee that the Chief running beast hasn’t had that many carries with that low of a fantasy total in his entire career. Nice work, eh?

Marc Bulger: Mr. Marc “Underrated, everyone should pick him over McNabb” Bulger hasn’t had a very good entry to 2007, and I’m not sure if it’s going to get much brighter from here. Bulger had -2 fantasy points in Week 3, and looked Terrible, with a capital T. Another starting lineman down, and that makes 3 backups for Bulger, who is a very stationary quarterback. Think, one of those British soldier guys that never move all day long. Well, Bulger needs to improve if the Rams want to be anything close to what they were last year, and keep themselves out of the NFC West cellar.

Tatum Bell: Bell was supposed to be Mike Martz’ new Marshall Faulk, and Kevin Jones was supposed to have a hard time finding playing time when he returned from injuries. Well, 20 yards rushing and receiving will give a guy 4 fantasy points, and a spot on the bench in the next few weeks in Detroit.

Maurice Jones Drew: Maurice Jones Drew continues to disappoint. Last week, he got enough carries to be a factor against a relatively poor rushing defense in Denver, but he didn’t do anything worth while. Jones Drew had just over 2 yards per carry, and enough fantasy points to realize that you messed up when you selected him as a breakout candidate for this season. It will be tough sledding for Jones Drew to approach the fantasy numbers he had last season.

Lee Evans: Lee Evans lost his starting quarterback early in the Bills contest against the patriots, and once again, Lee Evans wasn’t even close to the Top 10 guy everyone expected him to be. I personally dig Lee’s game, but if nobody can get him the ball, what good is he? I’m waiting two more weeks before I try to add a receiver to make up for Lee’s lack of production, but don’t trade him so soon, next week he plays a “normal” defense for the first time this season. Remember, he started against Denver’s secondary, Pittsburgh’s, and then New England – all three have been fantasy suicide to receivers this season. The Jets? Not so much.

Jeff Wilkins: Dead eye Jeff was 1 for 3 this weekend, missing two 40 yarders and hitting one extra point – nice work Jeff, I don’t normally put kickers on my fantasy tear jerkers list, but since the Rams have done dick, you definitely deserve to be on here for being the one guy who got chances to score in St. Louis and still failing miserably.

Javon Walker: Javon Walker didn’t do anything against a secondary that hasn’t been good this season. Jacksonville has some young speedsters, but this go-to guy shouldn’t be getting shut down like he did against the Jaguars. He had 2 catches and 1 rush, neither for enough yards to register more than his one fantasy point. Jeff, you’re killing me buddy. If you had only stayed in Green Bay, you would have had a healthy portion of Brett’s 300+ yards on Sunday.

Rex Gossman: Yikes! I was cheering for Rex, and I always have been. I think this kid gets way too much hatred from football fans, and honestly, he hasn’t deserved it. But anyone who has started the season the way he has deserves at least most of the criticism that comes his way. Unless Rex pulls his head out of his poop, he’s going to have a long, or short, season in Chicago. Neither will be good for the once promising young signal caller.

(Also considered; -Everyone in Buffalo besides Marshawn Lynch, any non rookie starting running back hopeful that had lots of upside coming into the season, anyone in Minnesota besides Adrian Peterson) , Rudi Johnson (if only for his horrendous 17 rushes for 9 yards – not a happy stat), and Deshawn Wynn (only because of the 24,930 people who picked him up in Yahoo leagues and especially those who started him – its their fault Deshawn)

Fantasy Football Know-It-All

This is Papa Weimer here, and I’ve got to be honest. I’m at my best criticizing a pissy job on Sundays. Yeah, these guys were highly touted by fantasy sports writers everywhere. These guys just didn’t get it done in Week 2, and what do you know, there’s still a Saint on the list. Hopefully you’re not stuck with these fantasy football blisters on your roster, or you are most likely 0-2, or at least 0 for Week 2.

Cincinnati Bengals Defense: This group of clowns allowed the Browns to dominate them to the tune of 51 points. 51… Browns… Derek Anderson and company. Yikes. These guys got -6 points in my fantasy league, last I checked, that’s about as crappy as one defense could possible score. I don’t know what else to say about the Bengals, except, I hope they didn’t lose you your fantasy outing like they did mine. Rex Grossman on his worst day is the only guy I can think of that compares to Cinci this week.

Deuce McAllister: The only problem I have with putting Deuce here, is, he was actually productive in his limited touches against the Buccos. Deuce had 49 yards on 10 carries, and last time I checked, 4.9 yards per carry is a solid number to put next to your name. Well, Deuce fumbled, and he collected a fat 2 fantasy points, good for a 49th place tie for running backs on Sunday. Gross. The Saints need to start feeding McAllister the ball more, if they want to snap out of their 2 game skid, and get back to the kind of offense they were playing last season. Right now, the Saints are nobodies angels.

Alex Smith: For a guy who looked so good in the pre-season, Alex Smith has been brutal to start 2007. I still think Smith could figure it out if the 49ers give him more opportunities, but it looks like San Fran’s coaching staff could ride their running game until they get more confidence in Alex Smith’s ability to make the big throw. His 3 fantasy points in Week 2 were worse than any starting quarterback’s numbers in the entire NFL. Even Josh McCwoen and his 3 interceptions had a better fantasy day than Smith.

Tatum Bell: Bell had one of the worst days for any #1 running back in the league. Tatum carried 9 times for 14 yards, and grabbed 4 balls for 25 yards. Overall, he just couldn’t find room to run against Minnesota’s stellar defense. Bell has the speed and elusiveness to make good use of his touches, but Mike Martz likes to take what the defense gives him, and/or completely ignore the running game from week to week, so Bell might find himself on the tear jerker list every time his Lions play a solid rushing defense.

Maurice Jones Drew: My main man only had 4 fantasy points in Week 2, and still isn’t getting near enough touches on a team where he is definitely the best offensive option. I just flat out don’t get it. Drew only had 3 yards per carry in Week 2, but he needs to get 20 touches a week if the Jags want to stand a chance in their division. Right now, Jacksonville isn’t getting it done, and you should sit Drew until they figure it out, if you have a decent #3 option.

Lee Evans: For the second straight week, Lee collected a mere 2 catches. This time, he one upped himself, and also gathered a fantasy point. The Bills have a tough opening schedule, and it doesn’t get that much easier, but I’d bet it all on Evans doing better from here on out. The Bills haven’t been good at anything to start the season, and I have a feeling that might continue, but they’ll stop playing not to lose here in a week or so, because that’s just not working. When the Bills do realize that they need to take chances to win, Evans once again becomes one of the best receivers in Fantasy Football.

LaDainian Tomlinson: Tomlinson may just about lead my list of Tear Jerkers in fantasy points this week, but those owners who took the face of fantasy football in your drafts have surely felt the repercussions, especially in Week 2. His per carry stats make Reggie Bush look like a stud, and overall, his offense has been pathetic. I think this would be a great time to go out and plunder Tomlinson in fantasy leagues, as he’s done playing the Patriots and Bears for the season. This is still the best fantasy player in the game, maybe even the best player in the league, but he has owners crying in Week 2.

Mark Clayton: Mark has been injured, but playing, and while I feel bad for picking on a gimp, this guy, who I had high hopes for in 2007, had a catch for -1 yard. Dude, save yourself some bad publicity and take a seat on the bench. Not only has Clayton not delivered, but his offense in Baltimore looks like a pile of pooh. I still expect big things from the former Sooner, but right now, he’s a sure thing Tear Jerker.

Rex Gossman: Rex may have accumulated positive points, but he passes no beauty test, that’s for sure, because his game is ugly. This kid looks like he took the summer off from throwing a football, and came back with all his bad traits and none of the good ones. A few more starts like this, and Sexy Rexy is going to be watching Brian Griese from the sidelines.

Also considered; -the rookie WR threesome- Robert Meachem (0 life points), Ted Ginn Jr (0 offensive stats), Dwayne Jarrett (inactive), then Mushin Muhammad (7 yards), Devery Henderson (0 cathes), Donte Stallworth (1pt), Daniel Graham (0pts), Ronnie Brown (6pts), Deshaun Foster (4pts), DeAngelo Williams (3pts) — Well done fells, you couldn’t even do bad enough to win a Tear Jerker, you just get honorable mention for doing nothing worth while.

Fantasy Football Know-It-All
This is Papa Weimer here, and I’ve got to be honest. I’m at my best criticizing a pissy job on Sundays. Yeah, these guys were highly touted by fantasy sports writers everywhere. From ESPN to your buddy who likes to claim fantasy royalty, this list of disappointments hit the road stumbling in Week 1, and as if the stumble itself wasn’t bad enough, an impenetrable brick wall was smack dab in their way. It started early, as last year’s fantasy happy thought was down in the dumps in Indy… You want the All Bad team? Read on, good sir! 9 elite guys: 14 points. If you drafted these guys in your league, you had one hell of a good draft. But, on the flip side, you had one crappy week 1.

Drew Brees: 1 fantasy point, 2 fantasy points, whatever your league gives this guy, he didn’t meet expectations. 28-41 for 191 yards? What the hell was he doing? Completing passes to stationary dummies 5 yards downfield? The All-World Saints’ offense didn’t score a single touchdown in Indy on Thursday. The same Colt team that lost 5 starters from a defense that wasn’t very good last season. Brees’ 2 interceptions and 1 fumble didn’t help the cause either. This guy has been picked 2nd in more than half the leagues I’ve drafted. I have him in 1 league, and I’m not real happy about his output in Week 1. No TDs, under 200 yards, and 3 turnovers. Drew Brees looked like Ryan Leaf in Week 1.

Deuce McAllister: The Deuce was not loose on Thursday Night. All in all, the Saints offense that was supposed to produce like the Colts Big 4 produced more like the Temple Owls Big 4, and thus disappointed fantasy owners all over the US, and in Canada too (I know a couple, believe me). McAllister was supposed to run all over the Colts poor rush defense, but that just wasn’t the case. He had 3.8 yards per carry, which was better than his more publicized backfield mate, but 3 fantasy points isn’t something to get excited about from your starting running back. He did have 2 grabs, but like Reggie, he totaled only 7 receiving yards. Needless to say, the Saints lost to the Colts on Thursday Night.

Reggie Bush: I must admit, I don’t have Reggie Bush in one single league. I have a lot of teams in a lot of different formats, and I’m sure not having Reggie Bush will make me angry as soon as Week 2, but right now, I feel like a genius. I stayed away from the USC godsend, and I was rewarded in Week 1. His 12 carries for 38 yards started him off with an unprofitable 3.1 yards per carry. But what about his receiving? Sure, in a PPR league, Bush’s hands got owners another 4 points, but his 7 total receiving yards got you jack in normal leagues. Reggie’s 3 fantasy points were hardly worth the 1st Round pick most owners spent on him. Reggie, like some of your Saint teammates, you fit the Tear Jerking bill in Week 1.

Marques Colston: I’ve heard more than a couple owners tell me that Marques Colston was the 2nd best receiver in Fantasy Football. Now, these owners selected Colston as their 2nd receiver, and of course, the best receiver in the league is the 1st guy they picked. So, in their minds, they have the Top 2 receivers in the league. Not so quick buddy. Colston didn’t do much with his 6 catches against the Colts. 47 yards on 6 grabs gave Marques a whopping 7.8 yards per catch. He didn’t score, either. All in all, I can’t say Colston had a terrible day. 10 points in a PPR and 4 points in a regular format, sometimes even the best receivers have down days. But can these same owners continue to throw Colston 2nd best receiver Cool-Aid at me? I hope not, because it tastes like horse poop, I could even say Colt poop.

Steven Jackson: Everyone’s #2 pick in fantasy drafts everywhere slammed into the Carolina wall on Sunday. Not only did he go next to nowhere with his 18 rushes (58 yards) but Sir Steven fumbled twice, causing major damage to his fantasy owners chances in Week 1. He did have 1 catch for 3 yards… If that rubs any burning acid in your already deep wound. Chalk another player up for the 1 point category. I bet that made owners happy in league’s everywhere.

Lee Evans: It really stuns me that Evans had 2 catches for 5 yards and the Bills still had a chance, (were winning until last 2 seconds) to win this football game. Lee has to do more for his Bills to win. He’s one of the elite players in this league. He did have to go heads up against Champ Bailey and Dre Bly, two guys who will shut down lots of receivers this year, but to be as talented as Lee is and get shut out. I’m not liking it. Bills, take note, give this guy a couple shots.

Deion Branch: 0 catches, 0 yards, 0 points – Sounds like a good reason to trade Darrell Jackson away. Sure, D-Jack may have dropped a TD pass against Arizona, but he also made one hell of a catch to keep the game going for his Niners. What did Branch do? He had a few nice blocks. How many points did you get for those in your fantasy league?

Larry Fitzgerald: Larry Fitz went up against the defensive juggernaut that is San Francisco and took home 2 fantasy points. Matt Leinart didn’t look to his Super Star receiver all that often, ignoring the fact that he got by defensive backs on at least two pass plays. 3 catches for 20 yards isn’t what most expected from this 2nd or 3rd round pick. But sometimes you get tricked. This was one of those times.

Steve McNair: Steve was bad. Not only did McNair get hurt, but he was just brutal prior to his injury. 203 yards passing, 3 fumbles and 1 interception. Lets do that math for those who can’t figure out how McNair finished with a fat 0. 200 yards (8pts) 3 fumbles (-6pts) and one interception (-2pts). Yes, 8-8, in any equation, is 0. This guy has something close to 733 turnovers in his last 2 games. And I thought he could have a decent day in Cincinnati.

Also considered: Cedric Benson (3pts), Mark Clayton (0pts), Braylon Edwards (2pts), Vincent Jackson (2pts), Reggie Brown (1pt), Fred Taylor (1pt), Jamal Lewis (2pts), Maurice Jones Drew (3pts), Vernon Davis (0pts), Daunte Stallworth (1pt) – Nice work guys, two claps for you, too. VD- you get a click-clack.