Papa's Predictions

So what, I’m old and these damn computer things seem to get the best of me at every turn. I need glasses to watch the game, and sometimes I yell “fumble” while sitting all by myself on my big ass chair in my big ass living room on my big ass. Oh, and sometimes there was no fumble at all – forgot to mention that. In fact, I seem to forget from time to time as well. Screw it, all that jazz doesn’t even matter because when it comes to football I surely know my game. I’ve said some things that have been wrong, but that only accounts for 3 instances in my football existence. So, when asked to do my predictions I figured, what the hell. Sure, the nephew might be able to actually keep tabs on the things I predict now, but that just gives me one more chance to prove my football knowledge dominance in this family tree. Let the predictions begin with glory and rapture!!!


  1. Vince Young – Top 5 fantasy quarterback in leagues that award only 4 points for throwing touchdowns.
  2. LenDale – more fantasy points than Chris Johnson in every format, except maybe PPR – that will be a close race. 
  3. Earnest Graham won’t get 20+ carries in more than 3 games this season – and that bites into his value.
  4. Deion Branch – best fantasy receiver in Seattle (total points).
  5. LeSean McCoy will be a better professional running back than Beanie Wells – and he will be something (draft him in leagues where that’s a part of it).
  6. Willis McGahee – 1200+ rushing yards for the Ravens.
  7. Edgerrin James will break the 1000-yard mark once again.
  8. My nephew thinks Calvin Johnson will be a Top 15 WR – he’ll be a Top 5 WR – my nephew will edit this article and I thank him for that.
  9. Matt Ryan – much better fantasy quarterback than Joe Flacco this season – but neither will bust the Top 20.
  10. Chad Pennington will bust the Top 20, and throw at least 20 touchdowns if he plays more than 12 games.
  11. Jerchio Cotchery – easily outscore Coles in New York.
  12. Selvin Young – the leading rusher in the NFL headed into Week 7.
  13. Kurt Warner will get hurt in the first four weeks, allowing Matt Leinart to take the starting job back and keep it for the duration of the season – the entitled little bastard.
  14. DeAngelo Williams gets 66% of the carries in Carolina and rush for 1000+ yards for the first time in his career.
  15. Dustin Keller – Top 10 fantasy tight end by seasons end.
  16. So will Greg Olsen.
  17. Nate Burleson – scores double digit touchdowns in Seattle again.
  18. Steve Slaton will lead the Texans backfield, and will approach 80 receptions.
  19. Marion Barber – best running back this season in fantasy land.
  20. Brain Westbrook won’t play more than 11 games – as much as I love the guy.
  21. Chris Perry – top 15 fantasy running back.
  22. Frank Gore – top 5 fantasy back.
  23. Randy Moss – catches less than 15 touchdowns, but still has a great season – more catches this year.
  24. Chad Johnson figures out that the Bengals don’t have a chance by Week 6 – that’s when he opts for season ending surgery – he gets traded in 2009.
  25. The SeaChickens don’t win the NFC West this year.
  26. Neither do the freaking Niners.
  27. LT scores in each of his first four games to start the season.
  28. Adrian Peterson won’t break the Top 5 running back list in 2008.
  29. Willie Parker revisits his 2006 form and finishes the year with 1300+ yards and 9 touchdowns or more. (nephew thinks this is crazy old man speak)
  30. Plaxico Burress – his best statistical season, don’t believe my nephew’s bad ju-ju.
  31. Steve Smith – will be the #2 in New York and catch 65 balls at least.
  32. Steve Smith – Carolina’s best weapon puts up 12 touchdowns and finishes in the Top 5 amongst per-game fantasy receiver.
  33. Brandon Marshall – does work in Denver, grabbing 100+ balls in 15 games.
  34. Rookie receiver James Hardy will lead all rookie receivers in touchdowns.
  35. Tony Scheffler – Top 5 TE.
  36. The Ravens will lose at least 12 games.
  37. Santana Moss – ready? – 1300+ yards, 9+ touchdowns, 80+ grabs – believe it. 
  38. Ronald Curry finally meets my nephew’s expectations now that he hasn’t said anything about him recently – 1000+ yards and 6 or more scores in 08.
  39. Chris Henry – more touchdowns for the Bengals than Chad Johnson gets.
  40. Adam “Pacman” Jones never gets in trouble again – he also plays offense a little this season and scores at least 4 touchdowns.
  41. Jamal Lewis will be a great buy-low candidate after Week 3 – get him then and reap the benefits. (nephew thinks this is a great call)
  42. Ryan Grant is going to be a beast – 1400 yards and 14 touchdowns are not out of the question.
  43. Reggie Bush – 10+ total touchdowns this season, his highest total of his career.
  44. Deuce McAllister will lead the Saints in rushing yards -even on 3 bad knees.
  45. Maurice Jones Drew – 200+ carries for 1200+ yards and scores at least 14 times – and welcome to JD being a Top 5 fantasy pick for the next 4 years.
  46. Tarvaris Jackson – 20+ touchdowns for the Vikings. (interesting says the nephew)
  47. So does Jason Campbell, but not for the Vikings.
  48. Anquan Boldin catches more balls than Larry Fitzgerald.
  49. Marvin Harrison catches 80+ balls and scores between 8-12 times.
  50. Terrell Owens will lead all receivers in touchdowns – damn his black heart. 

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