Push me on a swing. Push me in the water. Push me in front of a train, just don’t push me in sports. I’ll tell you, coming out of a week even is almost as bad as losing. You don’t get to be right, but you don’t get the glory of being tricked either. Just flat out .500. This is how my .500 week held on tight.
Tennessee Titans (-7) @ Kansas City Chiefs: (WINNER) “Thanks books. The Broncos, sure, the Chiefs can magically beat a team like Denver from time to time. Denver throws the ball a lot and hardly relies on the run to even keep teams honest. Offensive football teams like that can lose to bad teams because of freakish mistakes and miscommunication. Teams that pound you into smithereens on both sides of the ball, like Tennessee, don’t lose to bad teams that don’t do anything well, like Kansas City. The Titans are fresh after coming off their bye week and I expect them to get close to a shutout in KC.” Well 34-7 is one play away from a shut-out, and the cover was just as easy as I could have imagined. I hope you followed me on this freebee.
San Diego Chargers @ Buffalo Bills (+1): (WINNER) The Bills roughed up the Chargers offensive line, holding San Diego’s star running back (LT) to just 41 yards rushing on 14 carries. Fred Jackson (9 for 33) and Marshawn Lynch (19 for 70) rushed for over 100 yards and Trent Edwards picked apart the Chargers secondary completing 25 of 30 passes for 261 yards. The Bills were just tougher and the Chargers looked like they played tired. Weird.
Minnesota Vikings @ Chicago Bears (-3): (WINNER) “I also love betting against teams that won their game but got beat on the field of play – that’s Minnesota two weeks in a row.” But it took a lot of Viking mistakes to finish themselves off, that’s for sure. Minnesota probably should have won this game, but they couldn’t punt, they had penalties, they fumbled, and they were just out of sorts. These teams put up 80+ points of offense on Sunday, odd thing coming from two offenses that don’t usually spark up the scoreboard. The Bears won though, and I’ll take it.
Pittsburgh Steelers (-9.5) @ Cincinnati Bengals: (WINNER) “The road team always wins this match-up and while it’s normally pretty close, I just don’t think the Bengals have much confidence, leadership, sense of understanding or hope.” I’d say the score, 38-10, kind of explains what I was saying here. The Steelers did anything they wanted, and Mewelde Moore ran like Lola on Sunday. Big win here.
Baltimore Ravens @ Miami Dolphins (-3): (LOSS) I liked the Dolphins to match the Ravens physicality – I apparently was wrong to like that. Ray Lewis and his helmeted avengers put a stop to that wildcat offense and took advantage of some Dolphin turnovers – it’s tough to lose the ones you like, but that was the case here. You never feel quite as bad when the chick that you don’t really like dumps you, right, but when the hot brunette that does that thing with her tongue dumps you – well, you get the picture. No? Right, that’s because I’m being obtuse. Anyway, onward march!
New Orleans Saints @ Carolina Panthers (-3): (WINNER) “Unlike AP and the Vikes, I do think the Panthers will be able to run against the Saints, and remember what I said, when the Panthers can run they are a top tier team in the NFC.” I’m telling you, take my advice on these Panthers for the rest of the season – if they can run the ball effectively, they are a top notch team. Just that threat opens up so many things for them, gives the defense more rest, and there probably isn’t a team they can’t beat when running the ball. Cap them like that and you’ll win some money.
San Francisco 49ers @ New York Giants (-10): (WINNER) “Tougher call than you’d think, but I found a line that got down to 10 and thus I’ll run with New York. After playing some very good football for a few weeks straight the Giants were bound to falter a bit on the big stage. That doesn’t mean they are done. They were a little overrated, but they are still a top team in the league. I think their pressure and run-stuffing prowess will give them this game. O’Sullivan isn’t good enough to throw 30 times against the Giants and not get intercepted multiple times. Mike Martz will ignore that fact and thus lose this game by default.” Right? You bet – I have hit these Giants and these 49ers right on the head. The Giants won by 12, and it was just enough to cover, but it was closer than you expected. Why’d the Niners lose? Oh, I know, Mike Martz dropped O’Sully back 35 times, he only got to throw 28 times, and that was still enough for 2 picks. The other times he dropped back? Sacks galore and 4 fumbles, all lost. Keep it up Mr. Martz, opponents can’t thank you enough. Jackass.
New York Jets (-3) @ Oakland Raiders: (LOSS) Well, the Raiders won. I don’t know how this happened. The Jets needed to go to Thomas Jones even more. Oakland played better D, and maybe they’ve found something. No, I doubt it.
Dallas Cowboys (-6) @ St. Louis Rams: (LOSER) Shame on me for taking this disfunctional family – well, at least I get to watch this bad reality TV show – who’s next on “The Football team is WRONG?” – unbelievable, these guys. Steven Jackson had enough of my “running like Shaunna Alexander” comments, and he went berserk on Cowboy defenders. What to think of this? Hmmmm….
Indianapolis Colts (-1) @ Green Bay Packers: (LOSER) I really took this one in the face. Green Bay rocked Peyton’s world with confusing tactics and pressure. Do the Colts suck or what? I can’t quite figure them out.
Detroit Lions @ Houston Texans (-8.5): (LOSS) Welcome to the bad-beat club. The Lions got obliterated to start this game out, and the Texans just held on tight. It almost cost them, but it did cost me. This was the first of two tough ones I should have won.
Seattle Seahawks @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-10.5): (LOSS) This one makes me puke a little just thinking about it. The Hawks didn’t have 100 yards of offense midway through the 4th quarter. Wallace had about 30 yards passing and Julius Jones was at about 12 yards – both were leading their teams in the respective categories. But the Bucs were fine with “just winning” and that thinking got me a loss as the Bucs won by 10. DAMN IT!!!
Cleveland Browns (+7.5) @ Washington Redskins: (WINNER) The Browns were overrated to start the season and the Redskins were definitely underrated. That being said, I don’t think the current difference between these two teams is more than a touchdown.” This game was gross and at one point the Derek Anderson was 4 of 16 passing. Anderson had completed just as many passes as Braylon Edwards had dropped. Still, the Browns cover and I win. Weird.
Denver Broncos (+3) @ New England Patriots: (LOSS) I was wrong – as it turned out, some early turnovers killed anything the Broncos tried to build up and Sammy Morris showed how really bad the Broncos front 7 is. Do you think they’ll be better or worse without Champ and Boss Bailey? Sign me up for any runner playing them from here on out. And the Pats – are they going to start being more consistent or is it coin flipping time?
All that leaves me at .500 for the week – piss. I’ll take it like a man.