2005 Week 10 NFL Pick Review

Weaksauce!
I hate to say it, but I failed the Week 10 test. There’s just been a couple weeks that did me twice over. The pain has begun to travel into my fingertips, so don’t be taken aback if my writing tends to fall into the flagrant – personal foul category. BASTARD! Honestly, I don’t know what’s getting “Shit! Ass!” into me, I can’t focus. Dallas came back to beat Philly? Oh my God… My neck, my back…. OH… There’s only one thing to do, look at my problem picks and fix, fix, fix. If I fail to do that, I heard my wife talking to her mom about fixing someone. That can’t “BALLS!” be good.

All My Losers

Chiefs (+1.5) @ Bills – My best bet of the week went a little sour on me when Trent Green decided to throw three interceptions. Larry Johnson had over 170 total yards, but Vermeil seemed to abandon him late in the game. That silly mother. The Chiefs seemed like they were dominating, but never really took a chance at the end zone. Something that usually needs be done to win games. In a much needed game the Chiefs choked on a sack of buzzard balls, making me look stupid and them feel even worse.

Redskins (-2) @ Tampa Bay – Chris Simms was playing pretty well, but I was still very confident with the Skins up 35-38. “Idiot!” As if I was slung into a scolding hot fire “The Clap!” I started to feel burning all over. I flipped the channel to see what had gone wrong. It was still fine, it was third down and ten, the Buc’s were about to be had by the ‘Skins. And then it happened. Chris Simms, ala Brunell to Moss, slung a deep ball into the hands of this Anthony guy, and just like that the game was tied. Or was it? Oh no. The Skins had like 3 penalties and instead of going for one, Gruden went for two. “Son of a Bitch!” Alstot got way too much friendly buddy love from the zebras, and they called the conversion good. Fortunately someone in the booth saw that Mike didn’t get in. Unfortunately referees are a pile of stubborn stale rotten piss, so the guy in charge didn’t overturn the call. Now a field goal pushes me over. What field goal? “Whore!” I lose again!

Vikings @ Giants – C’mon… “Cock!” Who in their right mind saw this coming. I took the Giants giving 10 for Tice’s sake. With nary an offensive touchdown the Vikings still managed to outscore Eli Manning and his 4 wayward interceptions. Those bloody Mannings. The Giants pooped the bed, leaking some unnecessary residue into my already pungent diarrhea pile. I’m not even mad about this one. I’m amazed. The Giants ate an entire cheese log and then pooped in their bed. Amazing!

Cardinals (+4) @ Lions – Two words I thought I’d never see leading the Lions to victory; Joey Harrington. Are you kidding me? The kid blew up on the Cards, who seem to be playing a JV defense in all away games. “Donkey-Trout!” 3 touchdowns, all to Roy Williams, makes me think Joey might have a little hope after all. What’s that you say? Jeff Garcia might start next week? Oh yeah, good move Marioochi! Use a washed up, good for nothing, out of the league in two years, ugliest bastard in sports, Jeff Garcia to try and get your second straight win. Where do they get these assholes? Either way, the Cards lost another game with Warner at the helm, but I don’t think he’s at fault. He sucks, it’s true, but the ‘Zona running game looks a little more like the people running from the bulls, and a little less like the actual bulls.

Ravens (+7) @ Jacksonville – As if the crap stained weekend wasn’t bad enough already, the Jaguars scored more points against the Ravens than they’ve scored in a single game in a million years. How can I predict this shit? Kyle Boller gave the Ravens another reason to lose the rest of their games and attempt to smuggle Matt Leinart out of the draft. Boller took too many sacks and did nothing to help the Ravens win. What happened to the running game in Baltimore? Jamal Lewis? The Jags are for real, a playoff team, who needs to win the games against the teams they should beat. Like the Titans next week for example. That’s a must win.

Texans @ Colts (-17) – The Texans managed to stay just close enough to make me a loser in this one. “Somebody bitch slap me while I can still feel it!” I needed 17, I got 14. Sounds just about right. Andre Johnson didn’t do well. Dominick Davis didn’t play. The Texans still held tight. It looked like the Colts were doing whatever they wanted. Maybe Manning was shaving points? Hahaha… “Ass!” What will the Texans do with the number one draft pick? Trade it for an entire offensive line?

Broncos @ Raiders (+3) – So this is where Kerry Collins has been hiding. I was wondering where the drunk, interception throwing, back-foot leaning, testi-juggling quarterback had been hiding. Well, Collins had his new coming out party. Two cheers for Kerry! Hip, hip, blow it out your ass, Kerry. The Raiders need to trade Collins for a six pack, and then hide it from him until he packs his bags and heads out. Give Tuiasasopo a chance. Collins isn’t the answer in Oakland. The damn Broncos are good. I hate to say it, but Shanahan is a genius. He took the entire Brown defensive line and made them a great front four. Genius.

Browns @ Steelers – Speaking of quarterback changes. What is Romeo Crenell waiting for? A letter in the mail from the grim reaper telling Dilfer his time is up. No, honestly, Trent has played pretty well, but why not see if Frye, the rookie, can play this game? The Browns are going to have lots of choices come draft time, and if they feel they have an answer at the QB position, they’ll be much better off. Edwards needs to see more PT, and Frye needs to get a shot. The Steelers, on the other hand, could have won this game with Antwaan Randel El starting at Q. Seriously, the kid is something else. In fact, they might be better off with him in the game. Oh, and by the way, the guys on Sunday Night Football need to be pimp-slapped by Rick James, or possible Gilbert Brown. The garbage they were saying about Tommy Maddox was very inappropriate and unprofessional. “Fucking Dicks!”
Cowboys @ Eagles (-3) – The Cowboys flipped the script on their loss to the Redskins. Complete domination by the Eagles for 55 minutes of the game, but the ‘Boys came out on top. I can’t hate any outcome more. I want to see the Cowboys win like I want to see what Joe Theisman and Paul McGwire do with each other after the game. And to watch them win like this; bloody hell! The Eagles have really disappointed me this time. Beware of them if Donovan doesn’t start next week, they always do well with back-ups.

My Winning Few

Packers (+9.5) @ Falcons – Whew! This one brought me back to smiles, sunshine, and away from my moonshine. I definitely called this one to a T. Will this give the Packers enough confidence to run their conference and squiggle into the playoffs? Will Joe Theisman ever shut his good for nothing pie hole? No, and unfortunately no. But the Pack will never give up and could put a dent in more than a few playoff hopes. For example, an old fashioned crushing of the lame Viking playoff hopes next week on Monday Night Football is exactly what I’m talking about.

Rams @ Seahawks (-7) – The Hawks have really improved from last year. They get my vote as the best team in the NFC. Alexander has been playing very well, running tough all over the field, instead of only near the end zone. Hasselbeck is solid, and D-Jack will be coming back soon. The Hawks are getting help from everyone on their team. Back-up receivers are playing balls out and down field blocks are turning 10 yard runs into 25 yard scampers. I love watching Holmgren’s teams when they’re at their best. They were exactly that against the Rams. The Hawks continued to dominate their competition.

Patriots (-3) @ Dolphins – I didn’t think it was possible, but the Dolphins looked like they were going to win this game. It turned out it wasn’t possible. Still, I can’t believe how average the Patriots look… wait, yes I can. I predicted this business before the season started. Tom Brady continues to lead his team to victory in games they should be winning.

49ers (+13) @ Bears – This game was gross! But, I must admit, I called this one as well. Neither team did much. The Niners had 3 field goals, competed 1 of 13 passes, and had a total of 161 yards on the day. And they still only lost by 8. That’s because Chicago ran the ball just as much as San Francisco. They only had 13 passes too, but Orton completed 8 of them. One of the most exciting plays of the year, a 108 yard field goal return by Nathan Vasher put the Bears up as time expired in the first half. The Niners never recovered. I’ve never seen a windier football game. The way the wind took field goals was phenomenal.

Good Luck with your NFL Football Betting!
Lucky Lester – Free Football Picks

Leave a Reply